2016, Takeaways: A Pain in the P(ass)t



  • David Bowie died. That will probably be the most talented person to bite the bullet this year. Wow, sad to see him go.

  • Trump said what?!? Man, this dude ain't getting out the primary. Shit like "Little Marco" and "Low energy Jeb" will NEVER stick. America is MUCH smarter than that.

  • Beyoncé did some black power shit at the Super Bowl that would've made Huey Newton shed a "Glory" tear. Man, 2016 is getting off to a a GREAT start. Going to be a great year.


  • Intelligent Racist Justice Scalia done died?!? 2016, you are in beast mode! 2016, you ok with me. I'll even overlook Bowie's death. Scalia was a highly intelligent racist. May he rest in Prejudice Ronald Reagan Heaven.

  • Trump said what?!? And he got small hands?!? Hahaha!! This dude ain't getting out the primary.


  • Lebron won one for Cleveland. This is truly amazing! Lebron is now the second greatest player in history. But we shouldn't let Lebron's greatness distract us from the fact that the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead. #StayWoke

  • Wow! Bernie and Hillary are neck and neck. Crazy right? I personally like them both so I sure hope the DNC is fair to both candidates and not favor one over the other. I personally voted for Bernie so I'm sure the DNC wouldn't screw him over.

  • Wait..never-mind. "Hillary it is", said those "upstanding" folks at the DNC. Seems like Bernie never even stood a chance. Weird.

  • Flint, Michigan taught us that the most potent racist acts move in silence.

  • Nancy Reagan done died? Bless her heart with her "Just say no" self.

  • Trump won the primary?? I'll be damn. Republicans are crazy. No way that orange racists will win the general election.

  • Ali died?!? Fuck! Well, he been sick and unable to speak so, I mean, it was his time to go. 2016, I see you but you can chill, now. We, we get it.

  • Prince died?!?!?!?!??? Wait, but but what about Vanilla Ice or Lil Yatchy?!!? Can you take them instead?!? Fuck man. How 2016 gone take Prince without no warning or nothing.


  • Britain voted to leave the European Union?!? Wow! Nationalism is really something serious across the pond. Thank god we Americans are smarter than that and would never vote for this crazy ass nationalistic/racists orange dude running for President.


  • Black folks: I think we are making progress y'all. Black lives may actually start to matter in the country.

  • Sterling and Philando are killed*

  • Black folks: Well gawd damn. Never mind.


  • Black folks: We will protest loudly, yet peacefully!

  • America: We don't like that!

  • Black Folks: Ok, that doesn't get your attention? Fck it, we angry now.

  • America: We don't like that!

  • Black Folks: Ok, we will conduct silent protest.

  • America: We don't like that! And what about Chicago?!?

  • Phief Dawg died?!? But Vanilla Ice lives on?!? I'm convinced the Grim Reaper and 2016 were high school sweethearts.

  • Obama poll numbers have never been better. There is no way people will separate Obama from Hillary. NO WAY!

  • A big ass guerrilla named Harambe was killed because he was dragging around a lil black boy. How I know the guerrilla name and social security and whole entire life story but don't know shit about the lil boy who's life was in mortal danger?


  • Black girl magic is MAGICAL. Olympics to pop culture to the White House to being at the forefront of black intellectualism. They defeated Charlamagne AND sent folks to the moon all in the same year. Basically, black women succeeded while throwing up they middle finger to 2016, telling us dudes we better call Becky with the good hair.

  • *Afeni Shakur and Gwen Ifill are dead*

  • "Black girl magic, my ass." - 2016

  • Aleppo stay getting bombed and the Obama administration steady responding with, "Who dis?"


  • Willy Wonka, and Ice Tea mixed with Lemonade done gone to glory?!? Not surprised doe. 2016 been actin a fool but I'm sure that's the final straw.

  • Unfortunately, facts, along with Prince, Muhammad Ali and Arnold Palmer, passed away in 2016. Fake news and Internet comment sections now rule the day. When "Hillary Clinton murdered 7 people" is shared thousands of times on Facebook, we may have a slight "Fact" problem.


  • Kaepernick quietly kneels.

  • America: Shut up!! Wait..ummm, Stand up? Yeah! Stand up! And what about CHI-fcking-CA-fcking-GO!!

  • Presidential debates summary: Three blowouts! NO WAY she loses to a coked up Orange racist. Future President Hillary Clinton sat there and gave us FACTS! Facts and intelligence ALWAYS wins the day. Americans are so freaking smart and awesome when we need to be!


  • Tommy nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! First black lives don't really matter in 2016 and now you take away black americas jobless hero??

  • Trump said what?!? He out here grabbing white women by the what?!? That boy wild. Ain't nan white woman in the WORLD voting for him. White folks voting against their own interest?? YEAH RIGHT.

  • The city of Cleveland (Indians) bout to win another championship?!? They up 3-1. What can go wrong?

  • 2016 giveth and 2016 taketh away. Cub fans about to destroy property and riot! Or as America calls it, celebrate!

  • Election Day! Finally, this crazy sh*t is almost over. Madam President, where you at?!? Let's continue Obama's legacy, together! The Supreme Court will final be a liberal court, making decisions that benefit ALL Americans! Can't wait!


  • "Hillary Clinton, with more than 2.5 million more votes than Donald Trump, loses the presidential election"

  • Huh? Da f*ck does that even mean?

  • "President Elect Donald Trump will meet President Obama at the White House.

  • WHAT. THE. F*CK. IS. HAPPENING?

  • But life goes on, y'all! What a GREAT year for the nerds, right? Especially Star Wars! The new Star Wars is an amazing work of art! And the way they brought back Darth Vader and digitalized other folks like Carrie Fisher is crazy!

  • *Carry Fisher is dead after suffering massive heart attack*

  • No no no no no no! Enough blood has been shed on this year. I beg you, please stop! (In my Catelyn Stark from the Red Wedding voice)

  • *Fisher's mother, Debbie Reynolds dies the following day*

  • F*ck you and YO trifling ass momma, 2016.

  • 2016 is Darth Vader in that hallway on the last scene in Rouge One.

  • Just listened to Alan Thicke on the Dan LeBatard Show on ESPN Radio. What a funny guy! Dude is cooler than the other side of the pillow.

  • *Alan Thicke is dead*

  • The f*ck?


  • REMINDER: *Donald J. Trump was elected President of the United States*

  • Double F*ck.

  • Personally, 2016 was a good year! New job, healthy toddler, beautiful fiancé, wrote more writes up, got my thoughts out there to more folks, still in pretty good shape.

  • REMINDER: *Donald J. Trump was elected President of the United States*

  • - Gawd dammit.

  • The world: "I've been wit cha since day one, 2016 I ain't even hatin."

  • 2016 Savage: "So whats up with all that Instagram shit?"


  • The World: "2016, I was just playing."

  • Craig Sager died? Sure, why not. Let's kill the only awesome sideline reporter, especially after Pam Oliver lost her gawd damn mind with those wigs.

  • How all these great folks done died but folks who believe the earth is flat and Sandy Hook was a government conspiracy to take away their guns live on?

  • The Salt vs Sugar Civil War of 2016 broke many friendships


  • The Fake Black Conscious Hotep Civil War of 2016 broke many funny bones.

  • REMINDER: *Donald J. Trump was elected President of the United States*...*And don't forget the Supreme Court is lost for a generation*

  • I need a drink

  • Speaking of drinks, I hope everyone drinks away the horrors of 2016 with them red solo cups! We can all cheer to that!

  • *Guy who invented Red Solo Cups is dead*

  • 2016 colder than a well-diggers ass in Montana.

  • Summarization of 2016, the part 1: Ni**a we made it!

  • Summarization of 2016, part 2: *Cracks Knuckles*

“Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the first day of a new year, and we will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation.

We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, this New Years Day will no longer be known simply as the first day of the new year, but as the day the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today, we celebrate our First day of 2017 Day!!!

*Annnnnd everyone's dead*

#DavidBowie #Beyonce #DonaldTrump #Prince #LebronJames #KolinKaepernick #HillaryClinton #2016

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